Christmas in Elsie Creek isn’t exactly sleigh bells and snow. Between the heat, the dust, and the odd runaway bull, you need a plan to survive the silly season. Luckily, the Stock Squad’s on hand with their best tips in: The Stock Squad’s Christmas Survival Guide…
Stone (Pilot, Part-Time Crocodile Wrangler, Full-time Sweetheart)
“Never — and I mean never — swim anywhere that isn’t a pool. Even then, look twice. Out here, everything wants to eat you.”
(Stone is also planning to hassle Chook with a giant pork roast, just to watch the Vegan twitch.)
Romy (Wildlife Videographer)
“Number one tip: Take photos. Lots of them. Memories fade, but photos last.”
(Romy’s hoping for some serious poolside time with Finley… and maybe a Christmas without Stone hiding her cameras in a desperate bid to make her go “camera-free” for once.)
Porter (Senior Constable, Northern Territory Police)
“Drink plenty of water, and if you’re drinking the other stuff, line up a designated driver. Trust me, you don’t want me breath-testing you on the highway.”
(Porter also quietly admitted that he’s stressing about finding that perfect Christmas gift that isn’t jewellery, beer, or beef for that special someone in his life.)
Amara (Constable, Federal Police, Stock Squad Division)
“Send your Christmas cards early. And prepare your labels — you can never have too many when it comes to gifts. Organisation is the key to holiday sanity.”
(Her official cop tip: stay off the phone while driving — the fine’s not worth it.)
Finn (OIC, Federal Police, Stock Squad Division)
“Tell someone where you’re going. Make sure your car’s ready for the long haul. Out here, you break down, you might not get found ‘til Boxing Day.”
(Finn’s personal hack? Noise-cancelling headphones to block family speeches. And if all else fails, blame the map for getting lost to avoid that second Christmas feast with the in-laws.)
IZZY (Lawyer – Legal consultant for the Stock Squad)
“Gifts: honey and homemade gifts are best. Food too. But if you get arrested, say nothing. Ask for a lawyer. Then wait until they arrive before answering anything.”
(Said with the sweetest smile.)
Cowboy Craig (Stockman, Livestock Quarantine Manager, Livestock Inspector)
“My tip?” He says, poking back the brim of his cowboy hat. ‘That’s easy… Stock up plenty so you don’t have to go anywhere. That’s the plan. Feet up on the esky, to watch the rain fall and the grass grow, and not move ‘til the new year.”
So there you have it — the Stock Squad’s survival guide to Christmas in Elsie Creek.
Stay safe, stay stocked, and rehydrated. And if in doubt… check twice before swimming. Anywhere. Especially in the Northern Territory.
And if you do find yourself feet up with time to spare, why not binge-read the Stock Squad Series? Tap here>>
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