Long-time residents of the remote outback town of Elsie Creek, Mickey, the master of all things mechanical, along with his younger brother, Billy, shared 22 things tourists must take when trekking the Northern Territory.

As a disclosure, these finely-aged gentlemen are not hikers, bushwalking backpackers, rock climbing, globe-trotting sightseers. What follows are their blunt explanations, typical of the Aussie Local Lingo.

So it’s over to Mickey and Billy…

22 things a tourist must take trekking the Northern Territory outback

1. Thongs. We’re talking about footwear, not underwear, ya’ ning-nong! Unless you wanna show off your dance moves while trekking the Northern Territory’s hot outback soils, go for it.

2. A spare pair of thongs in case of losing the first pair or you suffer with the dreaded plugger failure.

3. Closed-toe walking shoes to get beer from bottle shops, as they have strict rules at the local pub.

4. Long sleeve shirt for sun protection and to fetch beer (there’s that dress code, thingy), and to wave off charging water buffalos. Just don’t wear red, ‘kay.

5. Sunscreen. The thick stuff you’ll need to scrape off. At least it won’t melt off.

6. Perfume. To disguise the sweat to those not used to the intense heat that’s known to melt unlit candles. We’re talking about insect repellent to add to the slimy sunscreen. It’s recommended as part of the daily battle against the annoying little black flies, or that spear-like mosquito penetration through your shirt, sunscreen, to skin. Don’t wear them fly nets. Not cool. Unless you’re a tourist, by all means, wear that fly net with pride.

7. Hat. A BIG HAT. Get in touch with your inner cowboy and go big with your hat to protect your ears and neck. It’ll help stop your shiny slathered sunscreen sweat. Nah, nothing stops that, but it sounded good at the time.

8. A spare hat as big hats are known to fly off of boats, quads, back of utes, etc.

9. Sunglasses, to stop those anti-aging squints from the glare of intense outback sunshine.

10. Tissues, to dab at sweat, and to use for other toiletry matters that’ll then roll across the road advertising ‘tourists were here’ for the locals to avoid. White tissues are best—they glow in the dark.

11. A First aid kit. You’ve gotta be prepared for blisters, sunburn, spider stings, and headaches from dehydration and sun-glare.

12. Spare sunglasses as the first pair may fall over the sides of waterfalls, epic outback vistas, rocky ranges, or during boat rides escaping man-eating crocodiles. But do spare a moment for those lost while on horseback, to get grounded into the red dust beneath a herd of hundred hoofs during a muster.  Coz then that poor ringa’ will suffer with eye strain fighting the sun’s glare, them sticky black flies, and the bulldust.

13. A rain repellent coat, that you’ll only sweat in it. So don’t be surprised if you end up stripping it off to go and dance in the rain.

14. A water bottle that’ll probably keep your water as hot as a boiled kettle. Unless it’s a Yeti. We approve of Yetis.

15. Snake bite kits, flares, personal EPIRB, life insurance and a will donating everything you own to the local rescue unit for their next annual Christmas party.

16. Spray to repel crocodiles. It doesn’t work, but it sounded good.

17. Spray for bad breath as you’ll conserve water from brushing your teeth. This can also become a better repellent for crocodiles than that spray (above) ever would.

18. Harmonica. Nothing wrong with carrying a harmonica in your pocket to learn how to play under the stars by the campfire. It’ll be a great deterrent to keep away the local wildlife, especially the billabong bunyip.

19. Nut-free, gluten-free, keto, vegan, and whatever other specialty-approved food that even the wildlife will walk away from. Smashed avo, especially. You’ll need to supply your own smancy tucker out ‘ere.

20. Cash. No one has a swipe machine in their pocket, but the pub does.

21. Grog-fuelled flasks. Do we need to explain this?!

22. Matches to burn everything hoping to catch a ride from a muster-chopper. But he’ll probably ignore it as another controlled burn-off by the local pyromaniacs attempting to catch a goanna. They’re good eating, too.

23. Inhaler, if you suffer from a severe allergy to dust and bushfire smoke. Then ask yourself, mate, what are you doing out ‘ere?

Lastly…

The other tips for trekking the Northern Territory, be sure to tell someone where you’re going. Have plenty of cold beer and cash handy for the Elsie Creek local resident who’ll rescue you from the bulldust. Oh, and we’d appreciate it if you didn’t hog our roads with your caravans crawling at a speed slower than the cattle can walk.

Happy Touristing.

Mickey and Billy, Elsie Creek.

**All still images relating to this post’s topic are via CANVA.com 

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